Fat Tuesday - and I feel that way

Today is Fat Tuesday/Mardi Gras and I would like to say that I do feel exactly like the title that has been given to today - fat. Why is it that when I do not run at least 5 miles I am not happy with how my body looks or feels? Today I was tired (I have been having a lot of lows lately and hopefully will solve it soon) and decided to get on the arc trainer at the gym instead of running. My blood sugar started at 89 so I drank about 7 carbs of Gatorade, then went on my way to work out. I began to get even more tired, but just thought it was because I have been stressed out lately over my school, all of my work for grad school (action research project), and other commitments. I burned 501 calories on the arc trainer according to the meter on the front. This made me feel happy, althoughI did not even break a sweat. I did it in 32 minutes. I don't know how I could have made my legs move faster. Uh! Anyway, I was getting tired and decided to go lift some weights and take it easy. By the end of my "workout" I was at 38.

Did I know I was low? Yes, I could tell by how tired I was and the way my body could not lift the normal amount of weight that it can. Did I do anything about it? No. I disconnect from my pump when I run, but not when I do other forms of exercise typically. I am so afraid of not having insulin and going high. Is there a name for this? Why am I so afraid of this? It is frustrating in and of itself.

One reason I am always afraid is because of complications. No, I have not had any "high blood sugar" complications, and that is something I fear. From a young age I always heard "if you don't take care of yourself you'll loose a foot, arm, leg, etc." As an athlete and person who cannot imagine life without exercising and sports, this thought has always terrified me. Losing a foot means not being able to run. Not being able to run means becoming fat (another thing I am deathly afraid of). Everything has a cause and effect relationship with other things. Sometimes I wish there was an "off" button for my brain.