Three Things Thursday

1.

I am a sensitive person, and I know it.  I also have a good memory, and can remember what people talk about and comments they make to me and how they act quite vividly.  Tonight I went to my running club.  As I was driving there, my goal was to run 5 or 6 easy miles, nothing faster than a 8:30 pace.  I show up, thinking that the majority of people I typically run with on Thursdays will be there as well, only to find 5 others.  None of my friends came, most likely because they just ran the marathon. 

Mentally, I was upset with myself for not talking to them beforehand, but just assuming they'd be there.  The 5 people there were 4 guys who run their marathons in less than 3 hours and a girl who just ran a 3:20 at Chicago.  And me.  I should have stopped beating myself up for being there.  I went their with the right intentions - to run.  Since there is a "no drop" rule in the club, I immediately felt bad for the rest.  Although they were doing recovery miles, our pace gradually increased each mile.  We took a new route tonight so I couldn't even turn around on my own because I didn't exactly know where I was.  I was having more and more negative thoughts.

I was with the group for the first 5 miles, each of which were getting faster.  My legs were tired by then and I wanted to slow down.  By that point, I decided that I just didn't care.  I wanted to go slow and was going to.  So be it if one of them had to slow down to run with me.  I was not racing, nor should have I been on that run.  My last mile was 7:35.  I hope my legs will forgive me tomorrow.

2. 

Part of the reason why I had such bad thoughts during my run tonight was because I do not like to be last.  I don't like being thought of as slow.  I especially hate it when I doubt myself.  During my marathon, I was shown that the mind is powerful.  If you believe you are defeated, you are.  If you think you are running well, you most likely are.  I need to remember that I run for me.  It is something that I like and makes me feel more alive.  I should not have these thoughts, but that is easier said than done.

3. 

I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday.  I need the weekend to get here.