Sometimes life gets busy. Priorities shift, stuff happens, and life changes from what you thought was going to happen.
I had full intentions to run the Monumental Marathon in 11 days. I trained for it after the Chicago Marathon. And then last week, stuff happened. My time and energy got devote to other things. I missed a planned 20-mile training run on Sunday. Yesterday (Monday), I set out to do complete my second attempt at a 20-miler. I made it 11 and then quit.
I stopped running...and I felt free. It felt as if a huge burden had been lifted. I decided on my second loop of a 5.5 mile trail that I wasn't going to complete all 20 miles. I wasn't going to sign up for and run the marathon. I was going to start to run the distance I wanted, not what a schedule told me. I need to run less so my legs are not as tired.
I am not a quitter. I am stubborn and a perfectionist, so the fact that I quit this run is not typical for me. But, my mind just couldn't do it. I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed. I feel like my expectations are attainable, but get discouraged if I don't meet and exceed them.
I've been feeling pretty crappy about my running lately. My legs are tired and my miles are slow. It amazes me that I was able to run a 20:12 5k last month. Where did that go? I think it disappeared...along with my running confidence.
I have been reminding myself that I didn't fail during the Chicago Marathon. Some days it is easier to believe than others.
I might run 1 more race this year, in early November. I ran it last year - The Hot Chocolate Race - but I'm still not sure. It will sell out soon so if I'm going to run I need to register soon. This race gave me so much confidence last year. Maybe that will happen again this year?
In the meantime, I'll enjoy doing what I want to do. I'll run how many miles I want to run, not because a plan tells me to. And I'll enjoy every single one so much more because of it.