Sometimes life gets busy. Priorities shift, stuff happens, and life changes from what you thought was going to happen.
I had full intentions to run the Monumental Marathon in 11 days. I trained for it after the Chicago Marathon. And then last week, stuff happened. My time and energy got devote to other things. I missed a planned 20-mile training run on Sunday. Yesterday (Monday), I set out to do complete my second attempt at a 20-miler. I made it 11 and then quit.
I quit.
I stopped running...and I felt free. It felt as if a huge burden had been lifted. I decided on my second loop of a 5.5 mile trail that I wasn't going to complete all 20 miles. I wasn't going to sign up for and run the marathon. I was going to start to run the distance I wanted, not what a schedule told me. I need to run less so my legs are not as tired.
I am not a quitter. I am stubborn and a perfectionist, so the fact that I quit this run is not typical for me. But, my mind just couldn't do it. I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed. I feel like my expectations are attainable, but get discouraged if I don't meet and exceed them.
I've been feeling pretty crappy about my running lately. My legs are tired and my miles are slow. It amazes me that I was able to run a 20:12 5k last month. Where did that go? I think it disappeared...along with my running confidence.
I have been reminding myself that I didn't fail during the Chicago Marathon. Some days it is easier to believe than others.
I might run 1 more race this year, in early November. I ran it last year - The Hot Chocolate Race - but I'm still not sure. It will sell out soon so if I'm going to run I need to register soon. This race gave me so much confidence last year. Maybe that will happen again this year?
In the meantime, I'll enjoy doing what I want to do. I'll run how many miles I want to run, not because a plan tells me to. And I'll enjoy every single one so much more because of it.
My life as a runner, perfectionist, athlete, 20-something, and type 1 diabetic.
I have been there and done that MANY times. The first 4 marathons I did, I could only handle 1 per year. Whether it be the stress of having to complete workouts, the pressure to perform well at the race or whatever, it took me about 6 months to forget how difficult it was so that I could ramp up to it again. At the time, I was astounded at how many people COULD do several marathons a year.
ReplyDeleteBut this year, knock on wood, I'll finish the year with 4 more marathons plus 1 ultra done in the same year. The difference for me has been simple... rather than training toward a specific peak, I've just stayed fit all year, always able to knock out a decent 15, and then just ramp it up A LITTLE when I'm coming up on a race. That, plus I don't do speedwork, which I think is great for the legs, but steals your soul. :)
And I think it does always come back to goals... I won't tell you the way I'm doing it now will get me faster; it just helps me achieve different goals.
But I do agree with savoring those first few marathons because they ARE special.
So are you not running Indy? The Monumental will be my last half of the year... boo.
ReplyDeleteFirst, your legs still might be recovering from Chicago
ReplyDeleteSecond, we all need some down time, your mind is telling you its time for a break, rest the legs, recharge the mind and feel fresh for the start of your next season. I have had down times, usually means I need a break, you did amazing at Chicago, you did something that less then 0.2% of the world has ever done. Enjoy some R&R and have some fun, we all deserve to have fun
It makes me happy to read this because you are such a determined and routine-like runner most of the time. You are also recovering from a marathon and that takes a surprisingly long time (me too!).
ReplyDeleteKeep feeling free and running free on your own accord!