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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Free

Sometimes life gets busy.  Priorities shift, stuff happens, and life changes from what you thought was going to happen.

I had full intentions to run the Monumental Marathon in 11 days.  I trained for it after the Chicago Marathon.  And then last week, stuff happened.  My time and energy got devote to other things.  I missed a planned 20-mile training run on Sunday.  Yesterday (Monday), I set out to do complete my second attempt at a 20-miler.  I made it 11 and then quit.

I quit. 

I stopped running...and I felt free.  It felt as if a huge burden had been lifted.  I decided on my second loop of a 5.5 mile trail that I wasn't going to complete all 20 miles.  I wasn't going to sign up for and run the marathon.  I was going to start to run the distance I wanted, not what a schedule told me.  I need to run less so my legs are not as tired. 

I am not a quitter.  I am stubborn and a perfectionist, so the fact that I quit this run is not  typical for me.  But, my mind just couldn't do it.  I put a  lot of pressure on myself to succeed.  I feel like my expectations are attainable, but get discouraged if I don't meet and exceed them. 

I've been feeling pretty crappy about my running lately.  My legs are tired and my miles are slow.  It amazes me that I was able to run a 20:12 5k last month.  Where did that go?  I think it disappeared...along with my running confidence.

I have been reminding myself that I didn't fail during the Chicago Marathon.  Some days it is easier to believe than others. 

I might run 1 more race this year, in early November.  I ran it last year - The Hot Chocolate Race - but I'm still  not sure.  It will sell out soon so if I'm going to run I need to register soon.  This race gave me so much confidence last year.  Maybe that will happen again this year?

In the meantime, I'll enjoy doing what I want to do.  I'll run how many miles I want to run, not because a plan tells me to.  And I'll enjoy every single one so much more because of it.

4 comments:

  1. I have been there and done that MANY times. The first 4 marathons I did, I could only handle 1 per year. Whether it be the stress of having to complete workouts, the pressure to perform well at the race or whatever, it took me about 6 months to forget how difficult it was so that I could ramp up to it again. At the time, I was astounded at how many people COULD do several marathons a year.

    But this year, knock on wood, I'll finish the year with 4 more marathons plus 1 ultra done in the same year. The difference for me has been simple... rather than training toward a specific peak, I've just stayed fit all year, always able to knock out a decent 15, and then just ramp it up A LITTLE when I'm coming up on a race. That, plus I don't do speedwork, which I think is great for the legs, but steals your soul. :)

    And I think it does always come back to goals... I won't tell you the way I'm doing it now will get me faster; it just helps me achieve different goals.

    But I do agree with savoring those first few marathons because they ARE special.

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  2. So are you not running Indy? The Monumental will be my last half of the year... boo.

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  3. First, your legs still might be recovering from Chicago

    Second, we all need some down time, your mind is telling you its time for a break, rest the legs, recharge the mind and feel fresh for the start of your next season. I have had down times, usually means I need a break, you did amazing at Chicago, you did something that less then 0.2% of the world has ever done. Enjoy some R&R and have some fun, we all deserve to have fun

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  4. It makes me happy to read this because you are such a determined and routine-like runner most of the time. You are also recovering from a marathon and that takes a surprisingly long time (me too!).
    Keep feeling free and running free on your own accord!

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